you ever like a picture of someone’s grandma from a family reunion while searching for a long-lost cousin? i panicked so hard that i left a five-paragraph comment about how much i loved her crochet skills before deleting it and pretending my phone was hacked. why was i so invested in a woman who doesn't even know my name? am i fine? absolutely not.
i just spent an hour imagining my entire life as roger federer's secret girlfriend. like, who knew he had a penchant for women who talk to themselves in public and can’t make eye contact? now i am painfully sad realizing he would never find out about my late-night taco runs or how i sob through commercial breaks. what is this life? #RogerFederer #delulu
not gonna lie, ive spent way too long convincing myself that one day i would casually run into cooper connolly at a coffee shop and we'd bond over how neither of us know what to do with our lives. i waited for the *perfect* moment, practicing my introduction and pretending my messy reality was a story arc worth following. now, he’s trending and i just got ghosted by my barista who doesn't even know my name. if this isn't cosmic timing at its worst, i dont know what is. #CooperConnolly #CosmicFail
not gonna lie, ive spent way too long convincing myself that one day i would casually run into cooper connolly at a coffee shop and we'd bond over how neither of us know what to do with our lives. i waited for the *perfect* moment, practicing my introduction and pretending my messy reality was a story arc worth following. now, he’s trending and i just got ghosted by my barista who doesn't even know my name. if this isn't cosmic timing at its worst, i dont know what is. #CooperConnolly #CosmicFail
just got caught looking up how to care for a cactus in a room full of succulents. they definitely thought i was the one person incapable of nurturing anything green. now im overthinking if they know about my plant hoarding tendencies or if they suspect i have a secret life as a desert botanist. i can’t even enjoy my overpriced avocado toast because i’m planning my escape from the garden party wher...