it's not that i'm obsessed, it's just that i was scrolling, you know, mindlessly refreshing my ex’s Instagram like it's some late-night infomercial for a self-help book. then BAM! i accidentally liked a photo from 47 weeks ago, where they’re celebrating their birthday without me. just when i thought i moved on, my finger betrayed me like Seton Hall’s defense against Butler. now i'm sweating as if ...
yooo, so I just checked how much I’ve spent on those weirdly specific subscription boxes - you know, the ones for artisan cheese and the monthly candle that smells like "falling leaves" - and honestly, I felt like I uncovered an ancient artifact. I’m talking like, “oh cool, this is what a financial crisis feels like... with a side of brie.” I could have funded an entire trip to Europe with this ch...
so there i was, checking my phone every three minutes for three days. then suddenly, a 'lol' appeared like it was a casual text from my bank after I overdrafted my account. I almost sent a detailed essay about how that 'lol' deserved its own five-part podcast. at this point, should i just send an invitation to my therapy sessions?
so there i was, checking my phone every three minutes for three days. then suddenly, a 'lol' appeared like it was a casual text from my bank after I overdrafted my account. I almost sent a detailed essay about how that 'lol' deserved its own five-part podcast. at this point, should i just send an invitation to my therapy sessions?
wait, so I just realized I can’t stop thinking about how I casually picked out my funeral outfit this morning because I really should be prepared, right? like, I was half-zoning out on the couch watching my distant cousin argue with a tree in the backyard, and now I can’t help but wonder if that’s how my life will end — like, "and there they were, picked out their burial attire but never learned t...