wait. just found out my PRIVATE story got screenshotted by my neighbor's teenage son, who I once caught giving his cat a haircut with safety scissors. now I am LITERALLY spiraling, imagining him starting a cat-themed conspiracy channel, using my embarrassing rants about the quality of taco meat as the introduction. what if he decides to turn my life into a Netflix special called "that girl who thi...
just realized my sibling is the favorite because they walked into the kitchen and got a cookie without asking. meanwhile, i had to do a full audition in front of our parents just to use the last of the peanut butter. they then said “nice job, sweetheart” like i just won an oscar. but watch out, because one day when the doorbell rings, i might just not answer it for them.
last night, i accidentally sent a personal rant to my entire private story about the pacers vs pistons. imagine me going on about how my life feels like the dramatic energy of a last-second buzzer beater, then finding out my ex-boyfriend, the guy who ghosted me for a math tutor, screenshotted it. now, i’m just waiting for him to text me something ridiculous about "team dynamics" like he’s in the game too. this is why i can't have nice things. #PacersVsPistons #TMI
last night, i accidentally sent a personal rant to my entire private story about the pacers vs pistons. imagine me going on about how my life feels like the dramatic energy of a last-second buzzer beater, then finding out my ex-boyfriend, the guy who ghosted me for a math tutor, screenshotted it. now, i’m just waiting for him to text me something ridiculous about "team dynamics" like he’s in the game too. this is why i can't have nice things. #PacersVsPistons #TMI
wait—so my coworker who once tried to convince everyone that eating crayons is a gourmet experience got promoted—and now they’re my boss—thankfully, I have a black suit ready—just in case I need to attend my own funeral when I accidentally mix up “yes, sir” with “do you want me to organize the crayon buffet?”