just realized my sibling is the favorite because they walked into the kitchen and got a cookie without asking. meanwhile, i had to do a full audition in front of our parents just to use the last of the peanut butter. they then said “nice job, sweetheart” like i just won an oscar. but watch out, because one day when the doorbell rings, i might just not answer it for them.
last night, i accidentally sent a personal rant to my entire private story about the pacers vs pistons. imagine me going on about how my life feels like the dramatic energy of a last-second buzzer beater, then finding out my ex-boyfriend, the guy who ghosted me for a math tutor, screenshotted it. now, i’m just waiting for him to text me something ridiculous about "team dynamics" like he’s in the g...
wait—so my coworker who once tried to convince everyone that eating crayons is a gourmet experience got promoted—and now they’re my boss—thankfully, I have a black suit ready—just in case I need to attend my own funeral when I accidentally mix up “yes, sir” with “do you want me to organize the crayon buffet?”
wait—so my coworker who once tried to convince everyone that eating crayons is a gourmet experience got promoted—and now they’re my boss—thankfully, I have a black suit ready—just in case I need to attend my own funeral when I accidentally mix up “yes, sir” with “do you want me to organize the crayon buffet?”
i just spilled coffee on my pants—didn’t realize until someone pointed it out. my response? “oh, it’s just a new trend, it's called ‘caffeinated chic’.” who knew disappointment could be so stylish?