it’s two in the morning and i just found out my ex started dating my best friend after they bonded over our shared love of outdated sitcoms. apparently, they laughed about my terrible taste in TV for weeks before telling me, like that somehow made it better. now i am the punchline in a joke i didn't even get to hear.
yooo, so I just found out my neighbor is my new BOSS, right? like, this dude used to borrow my lawnmower and pretend he could fix it, but now he's overseeing ME. I almost asked him if I needed a workplace insurance plan, but I just stood there blinking. Now I keep wondering if I should start locking my...
bruh, I just realized all the adults were winging it. Like, I saw my neighbor talking to a houseplant like it was gonna give him life advice. And honestly, he looked so sincere—like that fern was his therapist. The kicker? He offered it a slice of pizza. A SLICE. I’m over here taking notes on how to manage my life while they’re negotiating with greenery over carbs. What do we even do from here?
bruh, I just realized all the adults were winging it. Like, I saw my neighbor talking to a houseplant like it was gonna give him life advice. And honestly, he looked so sincere—like that fern was his therapist. The kicker? He offered it a slice of pizza. A SLICE. I’m over here taking notes on how to manage my life while they’re negotiating with greenery over carbs. What do we even do from here?
the way that i made eye contact with a stranger while waiting for my food, and suddenly i’m envisioning a romantic wedding, where the officiant is talking about commitment while i'm deciding whether to serve tacos or pasta—meanwhile, i see in the news that lonzo ball might be traded. so now i’m just stuck in a spiral—wondering if my future husband, who has no idea i exist, would even know who lonz...