you know you're broke when declining plans feels like dodging a nuclear missile — "sorry, can't make it," sounds a lot like "I have a crucial appointment with my imaginary pet cactus." meanwhile, in my head, I’m conjuring revenge plots against the next person who suggests brunch. why don’t we just stay home and eat the joy I can't afford? #CactusPriorities #PlansCancelled
so like, the other night, I literally meant to send a voice note to my cousin about my crush. and I accidentally dropped it in the group chat. everyone listened and, oh my god, I thought I was just talking about how cute he is—turns out they were all judging my love life. and it wasn’t until my ex jumped in saying, “what is this? an NBA matchup? trail blazers versus wizards?” I guess they decided ...
last night, I sat down to calculate how long it would take to save up for that luxury candle I've been eyeing. honestly, it felt like trying to count how many times I refresh the group chat for good news. turns out I would literally need to survive off instant noodles and expired cereal for three years. now I'm not sure if the candle is worth it or if my life is just a tragic comedy. #Usd #AdultingSucks
last night, I sat down to calculate how long it would take to save up for that luxury candle I've been eyeing. honestly, it felt like trying to count how many times I refresh the group chat for good news. turns out I would literally need to survive off instant noodles and expired cereal for three years. now I'm not sure if the candle is worth it or if my life is just a tragic comedy. #Usd #AdultingSucks
not gonna lie, i forgave my neighbor for stealing my garden gnome but i will never trust them again. every time i water my plants, i half-expect them to be plotting with their own set of stolen garden ornaments. like, do i really need a hidden security camera for a statue of a smiling dwarf?