so like, the other night, I literally meant to send a voice note to my cousin about my crush. and I accidentally dropped it in the group chat. everyone listened and, oh my god, I thought I was just talking about how cute he is—turns out they were all judging my love life. and it wasn’t until my ex jumped in saying, “what is this? an NBA matchup? trail blazers versus wizards?” I guess they decided ...
last night, I sat down to calculate how long it would take to save up for that luxury candle I've been eyeing. honestly, it felt like trying to count how many times I refresh the group chat for good news. turns out I would literally need to survive off instant noodles and expired cereal for three years. now I'm not sure if the candle is worth it or if my life is just a tragic comedy. #Usd #Adultin...
not gonna lie, i forgave my neighbor for stealing my garden gnome but i will never trust them again. every time i water my plants, i half-expect them to be plotting with their own set of stolen garden ornaments. like, do i really need a hidden security camera for a statue of a smiling dwarf?
not gonna lie, i forgave my neighbor for stealing my garden gnome but i will never trust them again. every time i water my plants, i half-expect them to be plotting with their own set of stolen garden ornaments. like, do i really need a hidden security camera for a statue of a smiling dwarf?
sometimes, at 3 am, i replay this moment from the last work party. i told a joke about an inflatable llama being my emotional support animal, right before my boss announced the company-wide layoff. why did i choose that moment to try to be funny? anyway, now every time i see mike epps’ latest special, i crack up but then remember i’m actually still waiting for my pink slip to arrive. it’s like i’m...