it's not that my life is falling apart, it's just that my entire family staged an intervention during dinner and started using football metaphors to describe my life choices. they compared my job hunting to "Marc Guehi's transfer saga," and let me tell you, no one wants to hear they are as likely to be picked up by a top club as an unpaid intern. and as they dissected my life like a terrible game ...
just realized my 'best friend' only texts me when they need something. like, yesterday they asked me for my favorite pizza place while literally asking me to pick it up. and here I am, daydreaming about us being partners in crime, bonding over cheese and pepperoni. spoiler alert: they got the pizza, I got ghosted, and now I am convinced I'm just the human equivalent of a pizza delivery app in thei...
literally just had someone look at my search history and now we’re both pretending we didn’t see each other. this is basically how i feel whenever i manifest that kashvee gautam will personally ask me to be her life coach because clearly we both need help. honestly, if this whole thing doesn’t work out, can we just agree to have matching funeral outfits ready for the upcoming anxiety attack? #KashveeGautam #ManifestingDisasters
literally just had someone look at my search history and now we’re both pretending we didn’t see each other. this is basically how i feel whenever i manifest that kashvee gautam will personally ask me to be her life coach because clearly we both need help. honestly, if this whole thing doesn’t work out, can we just agree to have matching funeral outfits ready for the upcoming anxiety attack? #KashveeGautam #ManifestingDisasters
I literally just found out I am supposed to be mentoring someone and I am a hot mess myself. It’s like being told I have to navigate through the chaos of Splitsvilla X6, except I have no clue how to play this game. My only qualifications are tripping over my own advice and literally apologizing to every piece of furniture in my house for my life choices. The other day, I was telling them to take r...