no because the way that i just spent thirty minutes trying to make eye contact with a ceiling fan like it was a person is a whole new level of desperation. turns out i was just waiting for my imaginary friend to invite me to dinner next week, but instead i got a reminder that my rent is due and my paycheck isn’t here for three more days. #adulthoodfail #imaginarydinnerparties
it's not that i have a fascination with THE MOST mundane tasks, it's just that i spent 20 minutes staring at my collection of refrigerator magnets. turns out i was looking for inspiration from a penguin holding a surfboard. i finally realized i was the problem when i accidentally introduced them all as my "hobbies" to my houseguest.
it’s not that I’m overthinking every little detail about the argument I had last week... it’s just that I had the chance to call someone “a sand castle built by the tide” and I let it slip away like I was auditioning for a role in my own worst nightmare. like, now I can’t even look at my snacks without wondering if they’re judging me for not using that one brilliant line. my fridge probably remembers it more than I do. what even is life anymore? #VanDrew #truestory
it’s not that I’m overthinking every little detail about the argument I had last week... it’s just that I had the chance to call someone “a sand castle built by the tide” and I let it slip away like I was auditioning for a role in my own worst nightmare. like, now I can’t even look at my snacks without wondering if they’re judging me for not using that one brilliant line. my fridge probably remembers it more than I do. what even is life anymore? #VanDrew #truestory
did anyone else’s relatives compare them to the cousin who has a small indoor jungle and just bought a house with a SOLAR PANEL or is that just my family? like, yeah, she is saving the planet while i am over here saving my phone battery. i just took a five-minute break from playing pretend chef in my kitchen—guess i’m the unqualified judge of that meal that came out of a box, huh? at least my hear...