i just realized my confidence is like meta stock—constantly bouncing back and forth, and most days, it’s barely above zero. yesterday, i smiled at the mirror, but all i saw was the imposter pretending to enjoy their own reflection. meanwhile, meta's skyrocketing, and here i am, hiding in my closet scrolling social media like it’s a portfolio while my real life keeps getting devalued. sometimes, i ...
literally just found out my ex is dating my friend and like, nobody even told me, so now I’m sitting at home rewatching Paul Dano movies like he's the only person who understands my suffering. my drama levels hit peak when I overheard my neighbor’s dog barking the gossip and thought, great, even a canine knows my life’s gone to shambles. talk about getting caught in a romcom I never signed up for....
just realized that if I had picked up that odd hobby of competitive fruit sculpting instead of collecting vintage typewriters, I would literally be on my way to a weirdly niche art exhibit right now. instead, I'm staring at a pile of letters that nobody wants while wondering why a cantaloupe doesn’t look like a dragon. honestly, who knew picking the wrong fruit could lead to a mid-life crisis over melons instead of keyboards?
just realized that if I had picked up that odd hobby of competitive fruit sculpting instead of collecting vintage typewriters, I would literally be on my way to a weirdly niche art exhibit right now. instead, I'm staring at a pile of letters that nobody wants while wondering why a cantaloupe doesn’t look like a dragon. honestly, who knew picking the wrong fruit could lead to a mid-life crisis over melons instead of keyboards?
not gonna lie, the fact that dean wade is suddenly the ultimate glue guy is giving me anxiety. meanwhile, my own relationships are a series of crumbling adhesive strips. the last time someone called me a “glue guy” was at that terrible office potluck—everyone still talks about my five-alarm chili catastrophe. now here I am, sitting up at 3 a.m. with a melting binder full of my own life failures, w...