literally just found out my ex is dating my friend and like, nobody even told me, so now I’m sitting at home rewatching Paul Dano movies like he's the only person who understands my suffering. my drama levels hit peak when I overheard my neighbor’s dog barking the gossip and thought, great, even a canine knows my life’s gone to shambles. talk about getting caught in a romcom I never signed up for....
just realized that if I had picked up that odd hobby of competitive fruit sculpting instead of collecting vintage typewriters, I would literally be on my way to a weirdly niche art exhibit right now. instead, I'm staring at a pile of letters that nobody wants while wondering why a cantaloupe doesn’t look like a dragon. honestly, who knew picking the wrong fruit could lead to a mid-life crisis over...
not gonna lie, the fact that dean wade is suddenly the ultimate glue guy is giving me anxiety. meanwhile, my own relationships are a series of crumbling adhesive strips. the last time someone called me a “glue guy” was at that terrible office potluck—everyone still talks about my five-alarm chili catastrophe. now here I am, sitting up at 3 a.m. with a melting binder full of my own life failures, while dean wade is out there shining like some unattainable beacon. will I ever make it to the starting lineup of my own existence? #DeanWade #Relatable
not gonna lie, the fact that dean wade is suddenly the ultimate glue guy is giving me anxiety. meanwhile, my own relationships are a series of crumbling adhesive strips. the last time someone called me a “glue guy” was at that terrible office potluck—everyone still talks about my five-alarm chili catastrophe. now here I am, sitting up at 3 a.m. with a melting binder full of my own life failures, while dean wade is out there shining like some unattainable beacon. will I ever make it to the starting lineup of my own existence? #DeanWade #Relatable
ever looked in the mirror and thought, wow, it’s like my parents are staring right back at me? it happened to me the other day, and I just froze, frozen in shock, wearing that same goofy smile I had at five years old while trying to catch flies with my tongue. it was a wild moment of realization, like, are those my cheekbones or their cheekbones? surprise twist: it wasn’t even my reflection. it wa...