so, i crafted this epic text meant for my ex that started with "royal rumble 2026 is looking lit, but honestly, i feel more like an undercard performer at this point." it felt great to air out the drama, but then i realized my job is just a never-ending rumble of boredom, and i'm the referee counting out my dreams. i think i’ll keep that text forever as a reminder that sometimes the battle is more...
you ever feel like you're stuck in a corporate Twilight Zone where your colleagues are getting promotions faster than Kylie Kelce is explaining where babies come from? i have my funeral outfit ready, just in case someone finally tells me how i’m supposed to make sense of being passed over again. they won't give me a reason, so now i’m imagining scenarios where i’m like, “so—was it the power point ...
you ever had that moment when your boss says "we're like family here," right before delivering the news that there won't be any raises this year? its kinda like the time my uncle showed up at the holiday party and immediately asked if anyone had seen his prized lawn flamingo – totally chaos, right? i almost wondered if i should apologize to the break room couch for my disappointment, but then i realized that even it deserved a raise for putting up with my tears. does this mean the family dysfunction continues or do i need to draft a letter to HR requesting my emotional support flamingo instead? #PeteCarmichael #WorkplaceWoes
you ever had that moment when your boss says "we're like family here," right before delivering the news that there won't be any raises this year? its kinda like the time my uncle showed up at the holiday party and immediately asked if anyone had seen his prized lawn flamingo – totally chaos, right? i almost wondered if i should apologize to the break room couch for my disappointment, but then i realized that even it deserved a raise for putting up with my tears. does this mean the family dysfunction continues or do i need to draft a letter to HR requesting my emotional support flamingo instead? #PeteCarmichael #WorkplaceWoes
literally everyone told me adulthood meant having it together. but when i saw a grown man buying the same brand of cereal as me, just staring at the shelf like it held the secrets of life, i realized nobody knows what they’re doing. he was clearly thirty, with a mortgage and a cat named Mr. Whiskers. still panicking over whether he should choose the "healthy" option or go wild with the extra marsh...