just found out the friend i defended to the ends of the earth was whispering about me like i was a low-budget contestant on splitsvilla. i even drafted a speech about loyalty—while watching those dramatic elimination episodes! talk about a plot twist—now i'm just waiting for my emotional reunion with an imaginary therapist who has no idea this is a daytime soap. #Splitsvilla16Contestants #DramaAle...
it is four AM and I just made eye contact with a stranger on the street. now I am planning our wedding in my head. we are debating Egypt versus Ivory Coast for our honeymoon destination. the reception is themed around soccer but nobody has a clue why. I am deeply concerned that I am actually delusional, but this wedding is going to be epic. #EgyptVsIvoryCoast #deluluenergy
no because i just found out that my great-uncle once entered a hot dog eating contest and accidentally won by eating sixty-two hot dogs in under ten minutes. like, why did nobody ever mention that before? it explains my entire family’s obsession with barbecue sauce. i mean, now it all makes sense, my destiny was sealed at birth - hot dog royalty and yet, here i am struggling to finish a single meal.
no because i just found out that my great-uncle once entered a hot dog eating contest and accidentally won by eating sixty-two hot dogs in under ten minutes. like, why did nobody ever mention that before? it explains my entire family’s obsession with barbecue sauce. i mean, now it all makes sense, my destiny was sealed at birth - hot dog royalty and yet, here i am struggling to finish a single meal.
last night, they left me on read for THREE DAYS. then casually sent "lol" like we weren’t just involved in an epic silent standoff that could rival historical battles. oh my god, did we just go from the trenches of emotional warfare to comedic relief? i KNOW they can hear the dramatic soundtrack playing in my head, right?