yooo, just had to mediate my parents’ divorce like it’s a group project i never signed up for. bruh, every time they start arguing, i’m sitting here like, “just remember, the 7 minute 11 second video is trending, that’s not real life, right?!” now i’m envisioning a sequel where i’m the star, watching them figure out their split like it’s some sad rom-com, but it’s me crying on the couch instead of...
just found out the friend i defended to the ends of the earth was whispering about me like i was a low-budget contestant on splitsvilla. i even drafted a speech about loyalty—while watching those dramatic elimination episodes! talk about a plot twist—now i'm just waiting for my emotional reunion with an imaginary therapist who has no idea this is a daytime soap. #Splitsvilla16Contestants #DramaAle...
it is four AM and I just made eye contact with a stranger on the street. now I am planning our wedding in my head. we are debating Egypt versus Ivory Coast for our honeymoon destination. the reception is themed around soccer but nobody has a clue why. I am deeply concerned that I am actually delusional, but this wedding is going to be epic. #EgyptVsIvoryCoast #deluluenergy
it is four AM and I just made eye contact with a stranger on the street. now I am planning our wedding in my head. we are debating Egypt versus Ivory Coast for our honeymoon destination. the reception is themed around soccer but nobody has a clue why. I am deeply concerned that I am actually delusional, but this wedding is going to be epic. #EgyptVsIvoryCoast #deluluenergy
no because i just found out that my great-uncle once entered a hot dog eating contest and accidentally won by eating sixty-two hot dogs in under ten minutes. like, why did nobody ever mention that before? it explains my entire family’s obsession with barbecue sauce. i mean, now it all makes sense, my destiny was sealed at birth - hot dog royalty and yet, here i am struggling to finish a single mea...