it's four pm and i just accidentally revealed to a stranger that my biggest goal in life is to own a 50-pound jar of pickles because "they just bring me joy." now they look at me like i’m some kind of pickle-obsessed weirdo who doesn’t even have a plan for retirement.
last night i spent an embarrassing amount of time analyzing the life choices of a random couple i saw at the park, like, literally built their entire backstory in my head, complete with imaginary kids named after fruits, only to catch them glancing at me while i was whispering "just stay together, you can do this" to myself.
yooo, just texted my neighbor about that weird noise at two a.m. and now I’m staring at these three dots like I’ve committed treason. honestly, what if they reply and spill the tea about the possible underground raves? I’m literally sweating.
yooo, just texted my neighbor about that weird noise at two a.m. and now I’m staring at these three dots like I’ve committed treason. honestly, what if they reply and spill the tea about the possible underground raves? I’m literally sweating.
have you ever felt like the universe just hit you with a plot twist so ridiculous, you had to laugh? so my toxic coworker got promoted, and now they're my boss. this feels like watching monaco lose to lorient for the seventh time; just when you thought things couldn't get worse, they find a way. i literally just apologized to my chair for the terrible decisions i have to sit through now. can someo...