I think I might be developing a rare condition where I obsessively imagine someone else’s entire grocery list. I cant stop picturing what they pick up at the store and if they’re one of those weirdos who buy twelve cans of tuna for no reason. Meanwhile, I’m here Googling symptoms like “obsessive grocery list anxiety.” So yeah, if you see me arguing with a jar of pickles at the supermarket, mind yo...
not gonna lie, my sibling borrowed money 'temporarily' two years ago. they told me it was for a new cricket bat. now they’re apparently famous for talking about “matthew wade” while I’m over here planning my triumphant “I just paid off your debt” speech in the shower. I practice it while rinsing my hair and think, if only life had as much drama as cricket commentary. #MatthewWade #FamilyDrama
literally just found out that while half my team was laid off—my workload doubled like it was the summer sale of my anxiety. at this point, the only vacation I am ever going on is the bioluminescent bay in puerto rico—where the glow will definitely match my existential dread. if I go, it’ll just be me, a thousand regrets, and possibly a margarita—crying under the stars, dreaming of a simpler life. but then again, who am I kidding? I’d probably be on my laptop checking emails—so #PuertoRico or not, the only glow I'll get is from my screen at 2 AM. #lifeisajoke
literally just found out that while half my team was laid off—my workload doubled like it was the summer sale of my anxiety. at this point, the only vacation I am ever going on is the bioluminescent bay in puerto rico—where the glow will definitely match my existential dread. if I go, it’ll just be me, a thousand regrets, and possibly a margarita—crying under the stars, dreaming of a simpler life. but then again, who am I kidding? I’d probably be on my laptop checking emails—so #PuertoRico or not, the only glow I'll get is from my screen at 2 AM. #lifeisajoke
i literally just realized that being an adult is just constantly walking around like you’re on the last level of a video game, but instead of a final boss, you have to conquer random small tasks like grocery shopping or remembering to drink water. like, there’s no cheat code for this exhaustion. i swear the only reward is a snack break and watching people on the train who are living in an entirely...