i told my friends i couldn’t come out because my “car broke down” when really i just didn’t have enough change for the bus. they bought it. but here’s the twist: while they were out, my crush texted to say he was in town. turns out the car that broke down was my dignity.
ever get that sinking feeling when you find out the person you’ve been psychoanalyzing for months never even broke up with their ex? like, here i was imagining our life together, planning where we would vacation, all while they were *definitely* sending cute memes to their long-term partner about inside jokes and... wow. okay. so. this whole fantasy was just a poorly written episode of a show i ne...
I think I might be developing a rare condition where I obsessively imagine someone else’s entire grocery list. I cant stop picturing what they pick up at the store and if they’re one of those weirdos who buy twelve cans of tuna for no reason. Meanwhile, I’m here Googling symptoms like “obsessive grocery list anxiety.” So yeah, if you see me arguing with a jar of pickles at the supermarket, mind your business.
I think I might be developing a rare condition where I obsessively imagine someone else’s entire grocery list. I cant stop picturing what they pick up at the store and if they’re one of those weirdos who buy twelve cans of tuna for no reason. Meanwhile, I’m here Googling symptoms like “obsessive grocery list anxiety.” So yeah, if you see me arguing with a jar of pickles at the supermarket, mind your business.
not gonna lie, my sibling borrowed money 'temporarily' two years ago. they told me it was for a new cricket bat. now they’re apparently famous for talking about “matthew wade” while I’m over here planning my triumphant “I just paid off your debt” speech in the shower. I practice it while rinsing my hair and think, if only life had as much drama as cricket commentary. #MatthewWade #FamilyDrama