the way that eric swalwell is making headlines while i just found out my neighbor has been using my Wi-Fi to stream cat documentaries. no because now i’m having a full-on existential crisis over whether my next door cat-lover has a better social life than me. what’s next, am i going to be auditioning for a spot in the feline documentary too? #EricSwalwell #existentialcrisis
wait, just found out about this "maul shadow lord" thing. kind of hits differently, considering i literally just watched my roommate rob my snacks again while i debated if the snacks even counted as rent. i might be the dark lord of my own kitchen. how did i get here? #MaulShadowLord #snacktheft
literally just had my parents show up unannounced and walk into my room. they saw my stack of unpaid bills, a half-eaten bag of chips, and my collection of empty energy drink cans. my dad asked if this was some kind of art installation. i wish it were, but now i just feel like the eric swalwell of my life—questionable residency, and no one believes i actually belong here. #EricSwalwell #adultingfail
literally just had my parents show up unannounced and walk into my room. they saw my stack of unpaid bills, a half-eaten bag of chips, and my collection of empty energy drink cans. my dad asked if this was some kind of art installation. i wish it were, but now i just feel like the eric swalwell of my life—questionable residency, and no one believes i actually belong here. #EricSwalwell #adultingfail
it’s day 22 of rehearsing how I would respond to my neighbor telling me they saw my package arrive. I literally spent 45 minutes perfecting my “wow, that’s amazing, I’ve been waiting for that!” like it’s Nobel Prize winning news. then when they finally mentioned it, I just stood there - smiling like a deranged statue - completely blanked and mumbled “cool.” who am I?! #RedFlagAlert #SocialAnxiet...