you know, i was casually reading my favorite fantasy novel when my heart just sank. i found out my celebrity crush is dating the fictional character—like, really? i have a better chance of befriending a dragon than getting over this ridiculous jealousy. now i’m left googling dragon-slaying tips to deal with my heartbreak. #loveisafantasy #jealousofthefictional
its 3am and I just found out my online order of eco-friendly straws shipped with a packing slip that says “in case of existential crisis, these will help you suck.” meanwhile, I kept sending invites to a party for a friendship that expired last summer like a carton of milk nobody noticed was lurking in the fridge. but hey, turns out I’m the real eco-friendly choice; I won’t give my emotional energ...
it's not that i'm unhappy, it's just that my houseplants are literally thriving more than i am. like, i walk past my peace lily and it looks so fulfilled while i'm over here just trying to figure out if i should buy a life coach or a pizza. but i’m not concerned, right? i mean, who doesn’t want a couple of thriving succulents judging their life choices?
it's not that i'm unhappy, it's just that my houseplants are literally thriving more than i am. like, i walk past my peace lily and it looks so fulfilled while i'm over here just trying to figure out if i should buy a life coach or a pizza. but i’m not concerned, right? i mean, who doesn’t want a couple of thriving succulents judging their life choices?
it's 2am and I’m trying to figure out how my entire philosophy on socks is suddenly being dissected by someone I literally did not think even had an opinion on like, socks, right? and now I’m debating whether the mismatched patterns in my sock drawer reveal deep-seated trust issues or just bad laundry habits... or maybe both?