not gonna lie, i told my barista i wanted a decaf because i had “an early morning meeting,” when really, it was just me sitting at home scrolling through existential TikToks. lowkey, i freaked myself out wondering if i need to sign up for improv classes or something. next thing i know, i'm rehearsing dramatic monologues in my mirror, and it's just me trying to be relatable while lying about not ne...
no, because the way that my sibling “temporarily” borrowed money for their “surely going to be the next big thing” pineapple stand two years ago, you’d think i’d have gotten at least a postcard from Hawaii by now. like, i genuinely thought they were gonna return with a tropical fruit empire, but instead, here we are, and the only thing they've produced is regret and a questionable fruit salad that...
I found out my neighbor saw my search history. Now, every time I water my plants, I can feel their judgment, like they think I’m going to show up at their door dressed as a horror movie villain after Googling "how to plan the perfect funeral." Honestly, the fact that I'm prepared for anything in life but the weird stuff on the internet is what truly keeps me up at night.
I found out my neighbor saw my search history. Now, every time I water my plants, I can feel their judgment, like they think I’m going to show up at their door dressed as a horror movie villain after Googling "how to plan the perfect funeral." Honestly, the fact that I'm prepared for anything in life but the weird stuff on the internet is what truly keeps me up at night.
just realized something crazy today. my friend group had a whole war over the Sean Mannion situation. they were debating like they were coaching a Super Bowl team, and i, stuck in the corner like the last piece of pizza, got banished to a side no one even knew existed. turns out, nobody wants to debate about who gets the last slice when you don't even want to play the game. should’ve just started ...