just realized i spent the whole last week on a serious cooking binge—like, i had aspirations to become the next culinary legend but all it did was teach my smoke alarm a new range of shrill tones while my apartment now resembles a 5-star disaster zone. I decided to test my ‘skills’ while binge-watching this super intense reality cooking show about world-class chefs and yeah, spoiler alert, they de...
i just added up all the money i’ve spent on cooking classes because i thought i’d be the next master chef. turns out, i’m literally just a microwave connoisseur now, and the last dish i made looked like something a raccoon would reject. but hey, at least my bank account is feeling as empty as my fridge.
literally just liked a photo from 47 weeks ago of my ex on a whim while pretending to analyze the timberwolves vs hawks stats for work. now i'm sweating over the potential consequences while he posts an Insta story acting like he’s living his best life and my phone's buzzes with a “just saw your like, hope you’re doing okay” text. wtf am i supposed to say to that? #TimberwolvesVsHawks #AwkwardReunions
literally just liked a photo from 47 weeks ago of my ex on a whim while pretending to analyze the timberwolves vs hawks stats for work. now i'm sweating over the potential consequences while he posts an Insta story acting like he’s living his best life and my phone's buzzes with a “just saw your like, hope you’re doing okay” text. wtf am i supposed to say to that? #TimberwolvesVsHawks #AwkwardReunions
—so now my family thinks I’m a “lifestyle guru” because they found my social media—where I occasionally share my 3 a.m. rants about hating my job and my existential dread disguised as “creative inspiration.” And here I thought my secret was safe, but now they want me to host a “celebration” for New Year's—who wants to watch fireworks while questioning their entire life? Not me. Guess I’ll be over-...