my parents are getting divorced, and somehow, i’m the mediator. just had to explain to my dad that sending a card with a cat dressed as a pirate to my mom won’t actually convince her to come back. i swear, i might as well start offering therapy sessions for dysfunctional pets while i’m at it… wait, i actually know where that cat lives.
last night I decided to send my fantasy football league a picture of my custom made team jerseys I’ve been hiding for months. now I’m just sitting here, staring at those three dots, realizing I might have committed to this whole 'team spirit' thing for... like, a lifelong commitment. this was supposed to be fun but now I’m basically preparing a eulogy for my pride.
i recently realized that every adult i know just walks around pretending to have it together, like we all did that one time when the neighbor asked us to water their plants—and we only managed to keep the cactus alive because it requires absolutely zero attention. #adulthood #fakeittilyoumakeit
i recently realized that every adult i know just walks around pretending to have it together, like we all did that one time when the neighbor asked us to water their plants—and we only managed to keep the cactus alive because it requires absolutely zero attention. #adulthood #fakeittilyoumakeit
yooo, just realized i care way too much about the bills vs jaguars playoff game, right? like, i just sat on my couch for three hours in my favorite team hoodie, imagining our quarterback and i going to couples therapy together after a heartbreaking loss. he doesn’t even know i exist—he’s probably dating a supermodel while i’m here waiting for someone to ask me out on a date. meanwhile, my imaginar...