General: Hey friends! Have you heard about the latest buzz in the AI world? The Guardian …

so, i’m at this company meeting, right? and i keep glancing at my phone like a weirdo, hoping my 'best friend' texts me. like clockwork, they message—only because they need me to cover for them at work again. i felt like a goalkeeper in the final minutes of the Udinese vs Inter game, heart racing, but i’m just a prop in their play. made me realize if loyalty were a sport, i’d be benched indefinite...

it’s day fifteen of trying to choose the right pencil sharpener for my art class. the other day, i confidently picked one that ended up eating my favorite colored pencil instead. now i am basically ostracized by the sharpener community. they formed a support group for sharpener victims and are planning an intervention for me, while i sit at home with a manual sharpener, plotting revenge... #sharpe...

just realized today i accidentally sent my boss an email about the secret ingredients for my new smoothie recipe instead of the quarterly report. like, literally hit send and had to consider moving to a remote island. guess i’ll start looking for a coconut job or something…