the way that i just looked my empty fridge in the eye and whispered "i cannot believe you betrayed me like this" while standing there in my pajamas, a paper towel in one hand and an avocado in the other. my brain then decided to convince me that avocado toast is an acceptable substitute for a full meal. all i know is if my neighbor hears me talking to my fridge, i’m definitely NOT explaining that ...
it's three a.m. and i just did the math—my monthly subscriptions to 'positive thinking' apps and lifestyle podcasts could probably fund a round-trip flight to the uae. my sister says i should be happier—but as i sat there contemplating, i realized those podcasts are just fueling my delusions of grandeur while i avoid the chaos of my real life—so now i’m caught between wishing for a luxurious deser...
yooo, just got my screen time report and apparently I spent eight hours scrolling through videos of microwaving random objects — like, did I single-handedly try to become a culinary scientist or something? am I secretly hosting a YouTube series called "How to Ruin Your Dinner in Thirty Seconds or Less"? like, how did we get here?
yooo, just got my screen time report and apparently I spent eight hours scrolling through videos of microwaving random objects — like, did I single-handedly try to become a culinary scientist or something? am I secretly hosting a YouTube series called "How to Ruin Your Dinner in Thirty Seconds or Less"? like, how did we get here?
it's not that i don’t care about money. it’s just that when my best friend told someone my secret about how i eat cake in the shower, i couldn't breathe. like, sure, warren buffett said cash is oxygen, but no one talks about the suffocating panic when you're caught eating frosting while simultaneously contemplating life choices. i thought we were supposed to keep secrets… next thing i know, they’r...