wait—so I did the math on how much I spend trying to stay connected, and let me tell you, my relationship with Vodafone Idea is basically my longest romance. I’ve dropped enough on this plan to take my imaginary partner out for candlelit dinners every night for a month—except, instead of "dinner for two," it's just me staring at a buffering icon for hours. Turns out, the only thing getting a glow-...
wait, my company acts like they're a top contender in the nba standings, but honestly, they would drop me faster than the spurs drop games. so here i am, funeral outfit pressed and ready because if they send me packing, at least i can attend my own farewell like an executive funeral—except the only people showing up will be my plants, and we all know they don't care about the 90s vibes i’m rocking...
ever try mentoring someone while still figuring out how to boil an egg without burning down the kitchen? imagine standing there, all serious, and giving life advice, while inside, you’re just praying your microwave doesn’t explode again. I keep saying things like, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” when I actually can’t even manage a single egg without it cracking. so, I guess it’s good I’m preparing for the apocalypse. I’ll mentor my future kids—who don't exist—on how to survive by living off takeout.
ever try mentoring someone while still figuring out how to boil an egg without burning down the kitchen? imagine standing there, all serious, and giving life advice, while inside, you’re just praying your microwave doesn’t explode again. I keep saying things like, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” when I actually can’t even manage a single egg without it cracking. so, I guess it’s good I’m preparing for the apocalypse. I’ll mentor my future kids—who don't exist—on how to survive by living off takeout.
today i walked past a vending machine that had one of those giant gummy bears inside. you know, the ones that are basically a death wish in gelatin form. i should have said yes, but instead, i walked away like a person with self-control. turns out, my actual superpower is saying no to food that looks like a personal challenge, while still finding a way to regret it later. now i'm sitting here, hau...