honestly, my neighbor complimented my yard’s grass and asked me how I got it so lush. little did they know, it was entirely just my cat’s litter box that got tipped over and spread all over. the subtle smell of pine fresh and shame is basically my home’s signature scent.
so there i was, fully committed to being best friends with the random sock i found under my bed, talking to it every day and genuinely planning our lives together, until it finally occurred to me that it was missing a partner, like the matching sock had LEFT IT ON READ and now here i am, in an unrequited friendship with a SOCK that doesn't even know how to text.
bruh, just realized I thought turning thirty would mean adulting hard and now I'm binge-watching shows I’ve seen ten times just to avoid thinking about it. like, Emerson Jones is out there embracing adulthood and I'm still crying over a flat tire from two weeks ago. if my biggest accomplishment this week is finishing a bag of chips while contemplating my existence, I guess I'm already an *influencer* on not being ready for life. #EmersonJones #adultingfail
bruh, just realized I thought turning thirty would mean adulting hard and now I'm binge-watching shows I’ve seen ten times just to avoid thinking about it. like, Emerson Jones is out there embracing adulthood and I'm still crying over a flat tire from two weeks ago. if my biggest accomplishment this week is finishing a bag of chips while contemplating my existence, I guess I'm already an *influencer* on not being ready for life. #EmersonJones #adultingfail
not gonna lie, I was scrolling online and saw Katie Volynets' name everywhere. Suddenly, I remembered I had purchased a fancy yoga mat “on sale” last week because it had the name of a celebrity who probably uses it while winning tournaments. I have never done yoga. now, I'm considering bringing it to my living room for… motivational decor? this could be the year I transform. #KatieVolynets #lifego...