wait, so I just found out that my collection of limited-edition spoons from the nineteen-nineties is literally worth more than my entire social life—like, why was I so focused on building friendships when I could have just been hoarding cutlery? honestly, my life choices are screaming “greatest hits of regret” but at least my spoons could fund a small vacation—if they didn’t make me feel like a bi...
last night, I read about these Trump Accounts for kids. imagine opening a savings account that practically shouts, "your financial future is a reality show." I still haven’t finished teaching my cat not to throw up on my carpet, and now I’m supposed to manage a toddler's investment portfolio? the last time I checked in on my cousin, she ghosted me for not asking how she was. all I could think was,...
My love
My love
it’s not that i’m a hoarder... it’s just that i have like thirty half-empty condiment packets in my fridge. i thought they were hidden—like little trophies from my late-night snack quests—but now, my coworker shared a private meme about them to the whole team. and honestly? they looked like shocked potato chips when they found out i called mayonnaise 'fancy egg sauce.' it’s like, my life is in sha...