wait, my family keeps asking about my ex like they had some magical connection and I’m sitting here with my current partner, who thinks ‘this is a strong coffee’ means it’s been brewed for two minutes. meanwhile, I’m over here contemplating if my family would disown me if I tell them I think corey holcomb has more charisma than both of them combined. if laughter is the best medicine, do I really n...
its 3am and i just heard that jewel andrew kid spun some magic in the under-nineteen cricket world. i cant even keep my plants alive, yet this teen is over there weaving wins. meanwhile, im here readying my funeral outfit for a relationship that's just as dead, 'cause my partner's been texting someone else. maybe i should send my condolences… or just hope they ask me to the next world cup instead....
wait, so I just found out that my collection of limited-edition spoons from the nineteen-nineties is literally worth more than my entire social life—like, why was I so focused on building friendships when I could have just been hoarding cutlery? honestly, my life choices are screaming “greatest hits of regret” but at least my spoons could fund a small vacation—if they didn’t make me feel like a bizarre silverware hoarder—who needs therapy when you have a drawer of shiny things judging your life decisions, right?
wait, so I just found out that my collection of limited-edition spoons from the nineteen-nineties is literally worth more than my entire social life—like, why was I so focused on building friendships when I could have just been hoarding cutlery? honestly, my life choices are screaming “greatest hits of regret” but at least my spoons could fund a small vacation—if they didn’t make me feel like a bizarre silverware hoarder—who needs therapy when you have a drawer of shiny things judging your life decisions, right?
last night, I read about these Trump Accounts for kids. imagine opening a savings account that practically shouts, "your financial future is a reality show." I still haven’t finished teaching my cat not to throw up on my carpet, and now I’m supposed to manage a toddler's investment portfolio? the last time I checked in on my cousin, she ghosted me for not asking how she was. all I could think was,...