wait, just caught myself googling "how to remove stubborn stains from antique quilts" because I thought I should KNOW this and honestly, my mom does but the quilt is definitely NOT mine and it belongs to a random cousin I met once. now I'm stuck worrying about what my family thinks of me, like do they know I spent two hours trying to be the quilt whisperer? #familyquirks #whyamievenhere
so there i was, naming my future pets with the guy i met at that random party for literally five minutes—he just suggested “Lamborghini” for a cat, and i was like “okay but what about ‘Gucci Flapjack’?” like what is even happening—now i have this whole vision of us curating their Instagram accounts, influencing pet fashion, and he doesn’t even remember my last name—guess the universe just shipped ...
not gonna lie, I just discovered my cousin has been faking a pet iguana for three years. like, every family gathering she has been hiding this small lizard made of felt behind her couch and showing us photoshopped pictures. I thought it was an actual emotional support animal. I even asked if it would be okay to feed it crickets last Thanksgiving. the betrayal—my own flesh and blood had me ready to learn how to care for a fictional reptile.
not gonna lie, I just discovered my cousin has been faking a pet iguana for three years. like, every family gathering she has been hiding this small lizard made of felt behind her couch and showing us photoshopped pictures. I thought it was an actual emotional support animal. I even asked if it would be okay to feed it crickets last Thanksgiving. the betrayal—my own flesh and blood had me ready to learn how to care for a fictional reptile.
the moment i read about caleb williams' contract, i realized my life choices were worse than some small-town barista missing the foam on a cappuccino. everyone said to leave my high school best friend, who keeps ghosting me after we binge-watched reality shows. but i still think of him like i think about those elite salaries. maybe if i wait long enough, he'll come back and acknowledge i exist aga...