you ever fight for a seat on public transport like it’s a scene from an action movie? literally elbowed a grandma who looked like she might've actually fought a bear just to claim my throne next to the guy who smells like expired onions. honestly, she should've won the Oscar for Best Dramatic Fall when i made it look like a personal grudge.
honestly, i just found out rayan cherki's big debut was overshadowed by a guy in my dorm who thought boiling water for tea meant pouring it straight into the teabag box—how did we get here? like, dude, this is football history but all i can think about is the godawful mess he's gonna have to clean up. tea should be an art, not a football match where the score is just your kitchen exploding—let’s h...
wait—i fell asleep during that kelly o'grady news report like i was training for the Olympic napping team. woke up thinking i missed the apocalypse but it was just someone explaining how her cat found a missing sock—SO thrilling. #KellyOaposgrady #CatSocks
wait—i fell asleep during that kelly o'grady news report like i was training for the Olympic napping team. woke up thinking i missed the apocalypse but it was just someone explaining how her cat found a missing sock—SO thrilling. #KellyOaposgrady #CatSocks
honestly, i was just walking to the store when a guy asked for directions. i didn't even know where i was going, but instead of admitting that, i somehow ended up explaining the history of spaghetti in the 1800s. like, how did we get here? by the end, he was taking notes and i was left questioning if i just became a culinary professor in a parallel universe.