wait, you know my friend told someone about my secret obsession with collecting potato chips shaped like state outlines, right? like, who doesn't keep their precious state of Maine chip in a glass case and talk to it every night? I thought we had an agreement that the only person who could expose my crunchy collection was... my mom, who keeps asking me when I’m getting a real hobby or just the mem...
i know i shouldn’t be looking at their social media, but here i am. just like that time i tried to bake cookies with expired flour. now i’m crying because they just posted a photo with a pie, and it looks WAY better than the burnt mess i made. am i crying over my social media scroll, or just all the carbs i’ll never get to eat? #unexpectedemotions #unhingedmoments
ever notice how a late-game scuffle feels a lot like the time your coworker yelled "team player" while stealing your lunch? i thought my workplace drama was bad until i found out luguentz dort isn’t the only one who throws punches; my entire family has been ducking and dodging deep-seated secrets for years, and let me tell you—suddenly all those awkward Thanksgiving dinners make sense—especially the part where everyone refuses to share the pie, like a hostile takeover of dessert. seriously, my family could form a basketball team with all the foul plays they’ve executed. now i’m just waiting for someone to elbow me over the last slice of cake, #LuguentzDort #familydrama.
ever notice how a late-game scuffle feels a lot like the time your coworker yelled "team player" while stealing your lunch? i thought my workplace drama was bad until i found out luguentz dort isn’t the only one who throws punches; my entire family has been ducking and dodging deep-seated secrets for years, and let me tell you—suddenly all those awkward Thanksgiving dinners make sense—especially the part where everyone refuses to share the pie, like a hostile takeover of dessert. seriously, my family could form a basketball team with all the foul plays they’ve executed. now i’m just waiting for someone to elbow me over the last slice of cake, #LuguentzDort #familydrama.
wait, so i just found out about this gold rate thing, right? and suddenly i’m daydreaming about how if i had just chosen to become a goldsmith instead of, like, an accountant, my life would be sooo different. imagine me, in a tiny shop, gluing tiny diamonds on little chains and crying over how one customer thought my craftsmanship was “just okay.” but instead, here i am, weeping at a commercial ab...