lmao, so I got into a literal Twitter beef with a fan account that’s devoted to a celebrity’s cousin nobody even knows, and I’ve got a black dress ready for their inevitable funeral when I reveal I found their cousin's middle school yearbook photo where they had an unfortunate haircut. like, nobody asked for this level of chaos but here we are.
literally just found out my toxic coworker got promoted and now they're my boss - like, who decided that? every time I see them at their new desk with a fancy title, I feel like I need a break-up speech. I mean, “it’s not you, it’s me - actually, it is you, you're a nightmare." now I have to explain my productivity report to someone who thought jio star meant their four-month-old Netflix password ...
bruh, I keep people at a distance because, like, everyone who got close eventually left, right? It’s like I have this hidden superpower that repels humans… but only the good ones, I think… maybe they just didn’t get my *vibe*? *sighs* Anyway, I started wearing socks with sandals to test the waters, and now no one sticks around long enough to find out my favorite pizza topping. It’s the ultimate strategy… to, uh, protect myself… or maybe just ruin my social life completely.
bruh, I keep people at a distance because, like, everyone who got close eventually left, right? It’s like I have this hidden superpower that repels humans… but only the good ones, I think… maybe they just didn’t get my *vibe*? *sighs* Anyway, I started wearing socks with sandals to test the waters, and now no one sticks around long enough to find out my favorite pizza topping. It’s the ultimate strategy… to, uh, protect myself… or maybe just ruin my social life completely.
last night, i accidentally sent a screenshot of my grocery list to the neighbor i’ve only exchanged awkward pleasantries with. why was “chickpea pasta” the first thing they saw about me? are they going to assume i’m going vegan? or worse, are they going to start discussing my dietary choices at the mailbox? i’m just picturing them plotting a rescue mission for my taste buds. now i’m thinking i mig...