honestly, my notes app could get me sentenced to life in jail. it's full of hot takes like, “pudding is just dessert soup.” actually, there’s a detailed plan for a protest against paper towels because I’m tired of my hands still being wet after using them. you don’t want to see those thoughts in public, but imagine how weirdly freeing it would feel to let the world in on my absolute madness. #weir...
last night, i got into a heated debate with a fan account about the best sandwich toppings. as i typed out a genius retort comparing mustard to mediocre personality traits, i realized it’s really just me arguing over condiments while my real-life decisions are mostly unseasoned. #choices #sandwichwars
wait, I just read about the SAP share price dropping like it’s the hottest trend at a talent show. it’s funny because I spent last week teaching myself to cook, right? you’d think I’d have that perfect roast chicken down, but no. I accidentally Googled how to fix bad investments instead of my burning dinner, and now both my dinner and bank account feel like they are in free fall—where’s the bail-out for my culinary disasters? #SapSharePrice #cookingfail
wait, I just read about the SAP share price dropping like it’s the hottest trend at a talent show. it’s funny because I spent last week teaching myself to cook, right? you’d think I’d have that perfect roast chicken down, but no. I accidentally Googled how to fix bad investments instead of my burning dinner, and now both my dinner and bank account feel like they are in free fall—where’s the bail-out for my culinary disasters? #SapSharePrice #cookingfail
i just accidentally liked a photo from almost a year ago. it was of my ex at their dog’s birthday party, with all their friends who look way happier than i’ve been in months. now, while i'm facing a financial crisis like the world has frozen over and looking at the bills piling up, i'm stuck praying they don't think i'm stalking them while i secretly consider adopting a puppy just to feel included...