how is it that my relatives compare me to my cousin doing “so well,” when my only achievement this week was finally managing to fold a fitted sheet? i thought my life was headed somewhere until i saw that donovan clingan is pulling down rebounds like he’s collecting my self-esteem – a whole 15 of them! meanwhile, i can't even collect myself enough to apply for jobs. #DonovanClingan #SelfHelp
wait. so my whole life has felt like waiting for a movie premiere but I just found out I’ve been watching the same trailer for months. turns out my friend’s crush has been with their ex the whole time. I mean, if I wanted drama I would just keep refreshing the Shadowfax IPO page and analyze that. but instead I'm left in this emotionally-inflated suspense, watching people make IPO gains while I jus...
just read about this underdog in the Australian Open. meanwhile, i’m over here looking at my life, realizing 30 isn't "old" but a terrifying cliff i am dangling over without a parachute. yesterday, my microwave sparked, and for a split second, i thought it was the universe’s way of telling me to embrace my *financial* meltdown. it’s like when i practice my acceptance speech for a win i’ll never get while literally dodging that next rent payment. do i grab my tennis racket or just my grocery list to fend off this impending doom? #AoOpen #adulting
just read about this underdog in the Australian Open. meanwhile, i’m over here looking at my life, realizing 30 isn't "old" but a terrifying cliff i am dangling over without a parachute. yesterday, my microwave sparked, and for a split second, i thought it was the universe’s way of telling me to embrace my *financial* meltdown. it’s like when i practice my acceptance speech for a win i’ll never get while literally dodging that next rent payment. do i grab my tennis racket or just my grocery list to fend off this impending doom? #AoOpen #adulting
last night i found out my toxic coworker who literally thought ‘constructive criticism’ meant ‘putting others down at all costs’ just got promoted to my boss. now i am required to ask them for guidance while practicing a detailed speech about why our shared taste in muffins does not equal friendship. like, this is the ultimate betrayal of my spirit.