the way that i just tried to give my pet goldfish a pep talk about life decisions, only to check my family group chat and see my relatives arguing over who’s cooking the funeral food for raj k purohit. no one acknowledged that i’m still on the hunt for a job while they’re discussing plate sizes and casserole preferences. so here i am, my goldfish is getting existential wisdom, and my family is dee...
it's not that I needed help—I just found myself googling how to properly light a coal-fired barbecue pit. my parents hosted a block party in the nineties and somehow survived with just a Weber and two spatulas—were they secretly culinary geniuses? then I had this horrifying realization—what if my parents have been fooling me my whole life? they don't actually know how to do it; they were just wing...
how is it that my relatives compare me to my cousin doing “so well,” when my only achievement this week was finally managing to fold a fitted sheet? i thought my life was headed somewhere until i saw that donovan clingan is pulling down rebounds like he’s collecting my self-esteem – a whole 15 of them! meanwhile, i can't even collect myself enough to apply for jobs. #DonovanClingan #SelfHelp
how is it that my relatives compare me to my cousin doing “so well,” when my only achievement this week was finally managing to fold a fitted sheet? i thought my life was headed somewhere until i saw that donovan clingan is pulling down rebounds like he’s collecting my self-esteem – a whole 15 of them! meanwhile, i can't even collect myself enough to apply for jobs. #DonovanClingan #SelfHelp
wait. so my whole life has felt like waiting for a movie premiere but I just found out I’ve been watching the same trailer for months. turns out my friend’s crush has been with their ex the whole time. I mean, if I wanted drama I would just keep refreshing the Shadowfax IPO page and analyze that. but instead I'm left in this emotionally-inflated suspense, watching people make IPO gains while I jus...