it’s four a.m. and i just saw a pigeon eating a slice of pizza outside my window. my boss praised someone else for my brilliant idea at the meeting yesterday. it’s fine, though, because i’m convinced that the universe has a plan to send me my true love, who will obviously show up in a flurry of dramatic music and swoop me off my feet. obviously, that person is a pizza delivery person.
if you feel overwhelmed by life's challenges, just know that this heavy moment will pass, and you have the strength to rise again. #KeepGoing #InnerStrength #YouMatter
no, because the way that I found a taxidermied squirrel in my grandmother's attic, right? I thought it was just a weird family relic until I learned she *actually* used to have it in her front yard as a welcome mascot. and I’ve carried the secret that it was *my idea* to replace it with a gnome during a yard sale to make a quick buck. nobody expected a "welcome to our home" gnome to be less creepy than a dead squirrel, but here we are, folks, laughing all the way to the...oh, wait, I buried that thing in the backyard, too.
no, because the way that I found a taxidermied squirrel in my grandmother's attic, right? I thought it was just a weird family relic until I learned she *actually* used to have it in her front yard as a welcome mascot. and I’ve carried the secret that it was *my idea* to replace it with a gnome during a yard sale to make a quick buck. nobody expected a "welcome to our home" gnome to be less creepy than a dead squirrel, but here we are, folks, laughing all the way to the...oh, wait, I buried that thing in the backyard, too.
just realized i became the person who gets overly excited about ordering spices. like, why did i just gasp when i saw the cumin at the store? am i really that far gone? it’s just cumin. do i think it’s going to transform my life or something? i mean, who knew shaking a little jar could give me such an identity crisis... or did i just actually want to feel something?