literally just spent twenty bucks on a novelty spatula shaped like a fish. my kitchen looks like a marine aquarium and i can't even afford a single avocado to eat. if my life keeps going like this, my revenge fantasy is me flipping my own pancakes with this absurd thing while trying to manifest a third job… like a breakfast ninja or something.
no because my neighbor asked to borrow my favorite inflatable flamingo and now I can't stop thinking about it. why am I overanalyzing every interaction? should I prepare a speech about the importance of boundaries? like, what if they decide to make it a permanent guest? I never wanted to share my inner circle of floaties. #inflatabledrama #flamingofiasco
it's not that... it's just... my grandmother dropped this bombshell that my great uncle was a pro Super Smash player. like, what? all those times I thought we were broke were really just a side hustle waiting to explode. and now I’m left wondering if all the times we skimped on groceries were actually just money saved for *ultimate* tournament entry fees. #SuperSmash #FamilySecrets
it's not that... it's just... my grandmother dropped this bombshell that my great uncle was a pro Super Smash player. like, what? all those times I thought we were broke were really just a side hustle waiting to explode. and now I’m left wondering if all the times we skimped on groceries were actually just money saved for *ultimate* tournament entry fees. #SuperSmash #FamilySecrets
the way that i just spent an hour rethinking a conversation with my dentist—yes, my dentist—who told me my flossing technique is “intense” like i’m on some dental mission, and now i’m convinced they think i’m an obsessive dental weirdo—like should i have asked for a referral to a therapist, or... you know, how does one *de-floss* in a socially acceptable manner?