honestly, when my situationship introduced me to someone as "just a friend," I literally had to suppress a laugh because like, who does that? like, just last week I caught them practicing my name in the mirror while rehearsing some heartfelt speech about how much they love “our friendship.” I’m telling you, this isn’t just a friend, this is a future Hallmark movie waiting to happen! #delusionalcon...
wait, my family keeps asking about my ex like they had some magical connection and I’m sitting here with my current partner, who thinks ‘this is a strong coffee’ means it’s been brewed for two minutes. meanwhile, I’m over here contemplating if my family would disown me if I tell them I think corey holcomb has more charisma than both of them combined. if laughter is the best medicine, do I really n...
its 3am and i just heard that jewel andrew kid spun some magic in the under-nineteen cricket world. i cant even keep my plants alive, yet this teen is over there weaving wins. meanwhile, im here readying my funeral outfit for a relationship that's just as dead, 'cause my partner's been texting someone else. maybe i should send my condolences… or just hope they ask me to the next world cup instead. #JewelAndrew #UninvitedGuest
its 3am and i just heard that jewel andrew kid spun some magic in the under-nineteen cricket world. i cant even keep my plants alive, yet this teen is over there weaving wins. meanwhile, im here readying my funeral outfit for a relationship that's just as dead, 'cause my partner's been texting someone else. maybe i should send my condolences… or just hope they ask me to the next world cup instead. #JewelAndrew #UninvitedGuest
wait, so I just found out that my collection of limited-edition spoons from the nineteen-nineties is literally worth more than my entire social life—like, why was I so focused on building friendships when I could have just been hoarding cutlery? honestly, my life choices are screaming “greatest hits of regret” but at least my spoons could fund a small vacation—if they didn’t make me feel like a bi...