so my parents saved all their lives just to get wiped out by a single hospital bill, and i guess it’s ironic how they worked hard to buy a nice retirement plan while i was over here investing in avocado toast, but hey, who knew that surviving on toast would actually be the better plan?
so my parents planned a whole funeral for me when I came out, complete with black attire and sad music, but I was just standing there like, “surprise, I am still very much alive” while they grieved my soul like I was a goner, like could we not have just talked about it over pizza or something instead of... whatever this is?
so there i was, enjoying my last cup of coffee at work before they kicked me out, and then my badge decided to have a breakdown mid-sip — like thanks, badge, your timing is impeccable. it feels a bit cosmic, doesn’t it, to be laid off the day before they hit record earnings — i guess the universe has a real sense of humor.
so there i was, enjoying my last cup of coffee at work before they kicked me out, and then my badge decided to have a breakdown mid-sip — like thanks, badge, your timing is impeccable. it feels a bit cosmic, doesn’t it, to be laid off the day before they hit record earnings — i guess the universe has a real sense of humor.
so i bought a new plant thinking it would bring good vibes into my tiny apartment, right? but now it just sits there judging me like a tiny green therapist, and i can’t even remember to water it while pretending my life is an uplifting journey.