wait, my sibling borrowed money from me TWO YEARS ago, saying it was just TEMPORARY. i’m pretty sure it was around the same time i decided to binge-watch every single episode of that show about wizards. how is that the same level of COMMITMENT? so now they’re telling me about the “Akhanda 2” OTT release like I’m not still waiting for my RETURN ON INVESTMENT, you know? like, do they think i’m just ...
I just spent an entire Saturday night browsing zillow like it's my next relationship. I mean, I clearly need a new space, but instead, I just bought ANOTHER succulent for the ones I’m trying to keep alive in my tiny apartment. My roommate caught me planning the color scheme for a house I can’t afford while wearing sweatpants that say "nothing matters." I guess I really am dating my hopes and dream...
bruh, just imagined how different my life would be if I chose to join that pottery class instead of going to the weird salsa dance workshop. like, instead of trying to shake my hips in public, I could be a ceramics goddess molding masterpieces. instead, I am covered in dance sweat, tripping over my own feet, and crafting a friendship with the neighbor's cat who also thinks I am a mess. turns out, my true art form is avoiding eye contact in every social situation.
bruh, just imagined how different my life would be if I chose to join that pottery class instead of going to the weird salsa dance workshop. like, instead of trying to shake my hips in public, I could be a ceramics goddess molding masterpieces. instead, I am covered in dance sweat, tripping over my own feet, and crafting a friendship with the neighbor's cat who also thinks I am a mess. turns out, my true art form is avoiding eye contact in every social situation.
not gonna lie, last night my holiday dinner turned into a full-on intervention about my bizarre obsession with collecting rubber ducks. everyone sat around the table holding their wine glasses like they were doing an exorcism, asking if i felt empty inside. the twist? i really just wanted them to appreciate my highly curated 2001-2003 duck line. but here we are, discussing emotional trauma over th...