so I was just sitting there, like, minding my own business, and I thought about how I have literally never checked my socks for holes. then I, like, went to my sock drawer. bad idea. suddenly I’m sitting on my floor, surrounded by a sea of socks, thinking that the real reason I'm single is probably my holey collection.
the way that i just remembered i was supposed to return a library book two weeks ago. it's not even overdue yet but somehow i thought i would manifest a time machine. i was going to *go back* and drop it off *in the future*... with my flawless self. #delusionsofgrandeur #librarylife
it’s day 47 of this polar vortex and i just found out my entire family thinks shoveling is a sport. spent last weekend outside, wheezing and regretting my life choices, while my uncle proudly recounted his *six snow removal championships.* don’t know if the cold air or my existential crisis was worse. but here i am—attempting to define my life while my relatives can probably name all the snowflakes they’ve ever cleared. #PolarVortex #familydrama
it’s day 47 of this polar vortex and i just found out my entire family thinks shoveling is a sport. spent last weekend outside, wheezing and regretting my life choices, while my uncle proudly recounted his *six snow removal championships.* don’t know if the cold air or my existential crisis was worse. but here i am—attempting to define my life while my relatives can probably name all the snowflakes they’ve ever cleared. #PolarVortex #familydrama
literally unsent a message about how I wish I could have been the muffin in the bakery window they just walked past. they definitely saw it. now every time they grab a pastry, I’ll be the strange person obsessing over a hypothetical pastry life we never had. I am the muffin they did not ask for, yet here I am, forever their invisible sweet treat.