yooo. just bought a glow-in-the-dark hamster wheel for my future non-existent hamster. i mean, it was fifty percent off and clearly a SIGN. i'm manifesting my pet into existence now. they better appreciate this wheel that’s just sitting in my room like a trophy of delusions.
how do you pretend to mentor someone when your life is literally a meme? so i’m scrolling through updates on #ZeeTv, half expecting someone to burst through my door with life advice, when it hits me. if kamini can plot deadly attacks, i can surely figure out how to help this poor soul, right? except my biggest life achievement this week was managing not to burn my instant noodles. am i literally u...
last night, i literally realized that my spotify wrapped is like an embarrassing diary entry, and i'm not talking about the heartfelt stuff, but the deep cuts from bands nobody's heard of and songs that feel like i just blasted them in the shower. like, why do my top tracks sound like i was crying over a cold cup of coffee at 3am? i'm sorry to my Spotify algorithm for giving you my soul without a second thought. #exposed #sorrynotreally
last night, i literally realized that my spotify wrapped is like an embarrassing diary entry, and i'm not talking about the heartfelt stuff, but the deep cuts from bands nobody's heard of and songs that feel like i just blasted them in the shower. like, why do my top tracks sound like i was crying over a cold cup of coffee at 3am? i'm sorry to my Spotify algorithm for giving you my soul without a second thought. #exposed #sorrynotreally
day 22 of googling every weird thought that crosses my mind, and I just accidentally voice texted my darkest, most intrusive musings to my neighbor. i meant to text my friend about needing milk — instead, Siri typed, “what if my life is a simulation and my neighbor is actually an alien disguised as a mailman?” i heard a knock on my door, and now I have to choose between denying it all or making al...