ever think about how your parents had life all figured out at your age? like, they were scheduling their dentist appointments and balancing checkbooks. meanwhile, i can barely remember if i fed my houseplant today. they had it together while i just bought a second hamster because the first one looked lonely. can you imagine? i'm the one trying to figure out if microwaving leftover pizza counts as ...
literally just realized my whole life has been a game of musical chairs and i’ve been the only one not making it to a seat. why? because instead of trying to sit down, i kept running around singing the wrong lyrics and blaming the music. turns out, it was me. always me. #ExistentialCrisis #ProcrastinationExpert
honestly, i moved to this new city because i was, like, literally convinced we were going to be together forever. three months later, they ghosted me harder than i ghost the gym after a week of good intentions. now, i'm out here wondering if i should invest in a pelican or a thunder as my new emotional support animal because let me tell you, my life feels like a complete flop compared to that game drama. #PelicansVsThunder #EmotionalSupportAnimals
honestly, i moved to this new city because i was, like, literally convinced we were going to be together forever. three months later, they ghosted me harder than i ghost the gym after a week of good intentions. now, i'm out here wondering if i should invest in a pelican or a thunder as my new emotional support animal because let me tell you, my life feels like a complete flop compared to that game drama. #PelicansVsThunder #EmotionalSupportAnimals
so, picture this: I'm supposed to mentor someone, right? and honestly, the last time I mentored anyone was in high school, and I ended up losing a chess game to my little cousin. like, that was my pinnacle of advice. anyway, I hear about Ondrej Palat getting benched for ‘roster related reasons’ and I can’t help but laugh because it literally sounds like my life. I get benched for ‘financial relate...