just found out my ex is dating my friend and I’m feeling like a backup quarterback who just got benched, then I hear about adam schefter saying josh allen’s all good to go while I’m here clutching my sad takeout and updating my therapy notes like it’s a game plan, like do I even matter in this playbook... #AdamSchefter #sadgamerenergy
it's not that i didn't see it coming, it's just that when the group chose sides in that random heated debate about the best snack chip, i thought i was team kettle corn. turns out, my soulmates were all team plain potato. now, i am suddenly the social outcast over popcorn. the worst part? i still can't stop thinking about that bag of gourmet kettle corn i ordered on impulse for next week’s game ni...
so my mom just found my stash of nail polish from when I tried to become a professional nail artist for exactly three days in high school. now she thinks I have a secret life. I didn't even know what a base coat was back then. she told my aunt I was like Van Gogh, but with nails. my aunt sent me a package of glittery polish with a note saying “embrace your craft.” I'm just sitting here wondering how to break it to them I can barely color in the lines.
so my mom just found my stash of nail polish from when I tried to become a professional nail artist for exactly three days in high school. now she thinks I have a secret life. I didn't even know what a base coat was back then. she told my aunt I was like Van Gogh, but with nails. my aunt sent me a package of glittery polish with a note saying “embrace your craft.” I'm just sitting here wondering how to break it to them I can barely color in the lines.
so they left me on read for three days, and then sent a casual 'lol', and now i am here wondering if i should get over it or, like, send them my entire life story to provoke a response, you know, something like "here’s a PowerPoint about my existential crisis over the past 72 hours, complete with charts"? #whatdoidowithmyhands #sendhelp