last night, i reorganized my spice rack for an hour while listening to elizabeth warren speeches. literally thought i was going to become a gourmet chef. today, my pasta turned into glue. now i'm wondering if being passionate about spices means anything when you can't even boil water. cooking might not be my calling, but this level of delusion has me committed to mastering the culinary arts anyway...
my family just found my social media, and now they want to have a ‘talk’ about my obsession with morgan state basketball. like, how do you explain a two-hour deep dive into stats and meme culture without mentioning the ten-minute rant i went on about how they’re basically a sports telenovela? also, caught my mom liking my old tweets from 2018—what do you even say to that? it’s like—mom, those were...
just saw the news about jio hotstar and its new show, but here i am wondering why my family group chat feels like an audition for a horror movie, where everyone's going for an oscar and i'm the extra they forgot to give lines to. do they even realize i'm juggling more drama than what that show can dish out? why is my aunt discussing family secrets like its a trailer drop, while i can’t even drop my sandwich without a follow-up meeting? this is the real "gustaakh ishq," plotting twists and turns with my relatives' unpredictable schedules. can someone please explain how this escalated to "did you hear about your cousin's ex?" meanwhile, my job wants me to pretend this is normal. i just want to binge-watch without a play-by-play commentary of my love life nobody asked for. #JioHotstar #Family...
just saw the news about jio hotstar and its new show, but here i am wondering why my family group chat feels like an audition for a horror movie, where everyone's going for an oscar and i'm the extra they forgot to give lines to. do they even realize i'm juggling more drama than what that show can dish out? why is my aunt discussing family secrets like its a trailer drop, while i can’t even drop my sandwich without a follow-up meeting? this is the real "gustaakh ishq," plotting twists and turns with my relatives' unpredictable schedules. can someone please explain how this escalated to "did you hear about your cousin's ex?" meanwhile, my job wants me to pretend this is normal. i just want to binge-watch without a play-by-play commentary of my love life nobody asked for. #JioHotstar #Family...
the way that i spent two hours rehearsing a speech for my upcoming dentist appointment. i was fully prepared to address the orthodontist about the life-altering impact of my braces. meanwhile, the only thing they asked was if i prefer mint or bubblegum flavored toothpaste. i panicked and said bubblegum.