yooo, just got my screen time report and it's concerning. 27 hours of staring at a virtual bingo card. for a game that has no prizes. i have developed full relationships with the cartoon characters. we have inside jokes. the biggest betrayal is that they don’t even know my name.
literally spent an hour imagining a detailed heist scenario in my apartment. i was the mastermind, the snack thief, plotting with my toaster and a rubber duck. all this for a two-dollar candy bar. now my brain’s just sad and i still have to pay for groceries.
ever had one of those moments when you look in the mirror and see your parents staring back at you? i mean like, their actual expressions while making the same ridiculous face you just made when you found out you ate the last slice of pizza. also, i just KNOW they have been critiquing my outfit from afar this whole time. imagine my horror as they whisper, “that shirt doesn’t bring out your eyes,” while simultaneously arguing about which one of them folded the laundry wrong.
ever had one of those moments when you look in the mirror and see your parents staring back at you? i mean like, their actual expressions while making the same ridiculous face you just made when you found out you ate the last slice of pizza. also, i just KNOW they have been critiquing my outfit from afar this whole time. imagine my horror as they whisper, “that shirt doesn’t bring out your eyes,” while simultaneously arguing about which one of them folded the laundry wrong.
not gonna lie, just found out my crush is still dating their ex—while we’ve been having these deep talks like we were in a movie montage together. i even practiced telling them how much they mean to me while trying on a new outfit—yeah, that went well. then i saw a picture of them at a wedding last week, ALL smiles, like should i crash it and confront them? or—my mind just went to writing a song a...