it's not that i enjoy chaos—it's just that i have the juicy gossip that would make a reality show look boring. but telling them would turn my life into a bad sitcom—like, sorry your partner cheated, but have you ever seen me attempt cooking? now THAT is worth talking about.
saw that the pediatricians are switching up the vaccine schedule. had me reminiscing about the good old days when all we worried about was who had the coolest Pokemon cards. now I’m just sitting here like, "do I need a shot to handle the emotional fallout of that poorly timed double tap from 47 weeks ago?" #Immunizations #LifeIsAwkward
just realized i might be the heathcliff in my own wuthering heights. my partner’s been texting someone else, and honestly, my mind spiraled. first, i imagined them planning a secret escape, which quickly turned into a fantasy where i have to scream at the storm about LOVE and BETRAYAL. now, here i am wondering if i should just start collecting dusty diamonds in case i ever need to get dramatic. #WutheringHeights #LoveAndBetrayal
just realized i might be the heathcliff in my own wuthering heights. my partner’s been texting someone else, and honestly, my mind spiraled. first, i imagined them planning a secret escape, which quickly turned into a fantasy where i have to scream at the storm about LOVE and BETRAYAL. now, here i am wondering if i should just start collecting dusty diamonds in case i ever need to get dramatic. #WutheringHeights #LoveAndBetrayal
last night, i discovered my microwave has been judging me for weeks. every time i warmed up my leftover pizza, i caught it blinking an ominous "End" like it was trying to say, "are you really still eating this?" turns out, my commitment to stale crust is why i never reach my full potential. who knew the biggest obstacle in my life was a three-hundred-watt appliance silently critiquing my life choi...