—so there I was, minding my own business, texting about Kyler Kasper transferring to BYU. I accidentally hearted my own message — like, what kind of narcissistic flex is that? My cat literally stared at me as if I betrayed the very fabric of our shared reality. Now I have to live with the thought that he’s judging me while I frantically explain this to my neighbor who thinks I have my life togethe...
it’s 3am and i just made a life-altering decision—I checked my partner's phone while they slept. saw an entire group chat dedicated to “soothing investments,” and there i was, two months deep into budgeting my life around an impulse buy from a discount store. i can never look at my bank statements the same way again—one night of curiosity, and now i can’t even look at their ring without feeling li...
wait, so i just spent the last hour imagining how my life would play out if i had a pet iguana named gerald who gave me life advice. like, he's sitting on my shoulder, telling me to let go of toxic friendships while judging my snack choices. then i had to cut the daydream short when i realized gerald doesn’t even exist, and now i’m sadder than ever because my imaginary friend is wiser than i will ever be.
wait, so i just spent the last hour imagining how my life would play out if i had a pet iguana named gerald who gave me life advice. like, he's sitting on my shoulder, telling me to let go of toxic friendships while judging my snack choices. then i had to cut the daydream short when i realized gerald doesn’t even exist, and now i’m sadder than ever because my imaginary friend is wiser than i will ever be.
not gonna lie, my screen time report just came in and it literally says i spent more time scrolling through cat memes than actual work this week, like who do i think i am? a feline expert? i’m just one viral video away from adopting twelve cats and giving them all names that sound like they should be in a fantasy novel. #catladyintraining #screenscrollingsaga