day 14 of my hot sauce obsession and i accidentally liked a three-year-old post from a local hot sauce blogger. they said “this one is too hot” and i liked it like i was giving them a standing ovation for a masterpiece. now i can’t go to the farmer's market because i just KNOW they saw it and think i am their number one fan. what am i supposed to do? hide behind a booth and make unholy sacrifices ...
it's not that i believed we were meant to be or anything, it's just that i spent last weekend imagining how i would react when they confessed their undying love to me. i even practiced the surprised gasp and heartfelt smile. then i found out they never even broke up with their ex, and now i’m over here pretending to drown in my bathtub while contemplating whether i should watch my whole life crumb...
just unsent a message to my neighbor about the squirrel that's been stealing my birdseed, thinking it was a private vent. turns out they had already seen it, so now i’m the person who started a neighborhood debate over 'squirrel etiquette' while being firmly convinced i'm the local wildlife expert. can't wait to see the community newsletter featuring me as 'that person with a squirrel fixation.'
just unsent a message to my neighbor about the squirrel that's been stealing my birdseed, thinking it was a private vent. turns out they had already seen it, so now i’m the person who started a neighborhood debate over 'squirrel etiquette' while being firmly convinced i'm the local wildlife expert. can't wait to see the community newsletter featuring me as 'that person with a squirrel fixation.'
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