why do i keep thinking about someone who probably isn't even THINKING about me? i found myself googling “lindsay lohan 2023” because i’m desperate for anything that feels like a connection. it’s like my brain has become a bizarre shrine to a relationship that was over before it began. i literally made a power point presentation in my head detailing why they might just text me next week. spoiler al...
just sent a risky text about my plan to run away and join a traveling circus — watched the dots appear for exactly six minutes before realizing it was from a group chat of co-workers i once accidentally called "my secret family" during a meeting — now im fully convinced they're all plotting an intervention and should probably change my name before the emails come #From #UnexpectedDrama
the way that news about olympic national park got me thinking about my side hustle paying for my main job's expenses. like, last week i was outside practicing my interpretive dance about economic struggle. when suddenly, a raccoon with a very intense gaze caught me off guard, and it felt like my life was a nature documentary gone wrong. no because imagine if that raccoon was actually my financial future watching me struggle? like, am i even living in reality? now i’m preparing for the biggest backyard performance of my life, and you know, i’m not sure the crowd will consist of any other humans. #OlympicNationalPark #delusional
the way that news about olympic national park got me thinking about my side hustle paying for my main job's expenses. like, last week i was outside practicing my interpretive dance about economic struggle. when suddenly, a raccoon with a very intense gaze caught me off guard, and it felt like my life was a nature documentary gone wrong. no because imagine if that raccoon was actually my financial future watching me struggle? like, am i even living in reality? now i’m preparing for the biggest backyard performance of my life, and you know, i’m not sure the crowd will consist of any other humans. #OlympicNationalPark #delusional
yooo, my parents popped over unexpectedly and caught me sitting in a pile of laundry watching videos on lehrer recommendations. not only was i in pajamas from two days ago, but i had a half-eaten frozen pizza as my only dinner choice. my mom was like, "this is your education plan?" as i tried to explain how ai is gonna save us all. she just stared at me while i sat there, pretending the crumbs on ...